Getting Serious With Stevie Johnson

My lack of posts have been due to the depression brought upon by the Bills and their hideousness.  I can honestly say I fell asleep while watching them be crucified by the 49ers.  Partially this was because I was sick, but mostly because I had the choice of either slitting my wrists while watching them play or sleeping.  I thought sleeping would be more beneficial.  Last week against the Cardinals God sent us an angel in the form of Jairus Byrd allowing the win in overtime.  And this week we all watched a battle of terrible defense between the Titans and the Bills.  In typical Bills fashion the game was decided by their fourth quarter efforts in which Fitzpatrick who had been playing his best game yet, decided the fourth quarter was the best time to stop throwing on point.  Depression has ensued, luckily I have all the Backstreet Boys albums and a bottle of whiskey.  My relationship with the Bills sounds like a Taylor Swift song with all this heartbreak, except, my relationship with the Bills has been 21times longer than any relationship she’s been in.

As pissed off with the Bills as I have been I am choosing to introduce to you one of my personal favorite players, Stevie Johnson.  I’ll be honest, I’ve always liked Stevie, he was a fun guy to watch, and wasn’t afraid to poke fun at other players with a sense of confidence.  However, it wasn’t until recently that I actually looked at a picture of him and had a When Harry Met Sally moment.  Maybe it’s his whole bad boy effect, with his sexy toned body covered in tattoos, but mama like, mama like very much.  The twenty-six year old Stevie joined the Bills in 2008 as a seventh round pick Wide Receiver.  (If you don’t remember what the job of a wide receiver is read my saucy piece on Victor Cruz you’ll enjoy).  Since then Stevie has battled through some injuries and worked hard to maintain his status with the Bills.  In 2010 he was named the Vizio top value performer and has made himself known in the Bills (for a lack of a better term) unvictorious play.

To go along with that bad boy look Mr. Johnson has a trouble maker attitude, which of course attracts even the most holiest of women.  I mean even Mandy Moore could not resist that naughty naughty boy Shane West in the cinematic masterpiece A Walk to Remember.  (As a side note I would really appreciate it if Nicholas Sparks would just stop writing).  Any way Stevie has been fined by the NFL three times for excessive celebration.  Once, for his famous undershirt with “Why So Serious?” written on it, an attack on Chad Ochocinco and T.O.  who had referred to themselves as Batman and Robin of the Bengals.  The second for imitating Plaxico Burres and finally the third for lifting up his shirt and reveling “Happy New Year” written on his shirt.  With every fine the more attracted to him I get, and quite frankly the level of wit played into his fines really gets my engine reved, I mean anyone can score a touchdown and mock Victor Cruz’s salsa dancing, but when you throw in a Dark Knight quote into the mix you have my heart.  My fantasies of licking chocolate off his rock hard abs have been crushed upon hearing that he is happily married with three adorable children, my love for him still grows everyday.  It’s not unusual to find me staring at my phone drooling at a picture of him, yes I have one saved to my photo album, it helps me get through the rough days.  Ladies and Gentlemen I give thee Stevie Johnson, moan away.

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