All it took was one week against the Patriots to bring the Bills fans back down to earth. What the world witnessed this passed Sunday was the typical performance of the Buffalo Bills, making a statement in the first half, then forgetting that there are in fact two other quarters to play after Halftime. You’d think Fitzpatrick with his Harvard degree would be able to figure that out, or at least figure out the physics behind not throwing an interception, or getting sacked, but whatever he has an excellent beard and that’s all that matters. Any way, the Bills took the lead at the half 21-7, I felt like Miley Cyrus on Salvia (or so claimed), this sort of defeat at the half could not be real, it would be like the cast of Jersey Shore winning an Emmy. After 21 years of Bills fandom however, I have learned that while they are not consisting in winning games, they never fail to disappoint. And disappoint they did, as Tom Brady and the Patriots (oooh the possibilites to start a band, I mean they’d be about as good as the Jonas Brothers, but at least they’d have a cooler name), avenged themselves, coming back with six touchdowns in the second half. The rest of my day entailed me only leaving my bed to go to the bathroom and make dinner, while I watched sappy movies such as: When Harry Met Sally, Little Women and The Princess Bride, while wallowing in self pity that I’ll never get married or have a man reply, “As you wish” to every demand I make, such a life disappointment. At least my fantasy team won, otherwise who knows how this week would have turned out.
There was one man, however, that fulfilled all my passions why watching the Patriots legitimately murder the Bills in the second half, and he goes by the name of Rob Gronkowski, or simply Gronk. Before I give you the low-down on my dear Gronk, and oh so low I will go down on Gronk, I have to give Chandler Jones a shout out. Chandler Jones was born in my place of birth, Rochester NY, so I automatically like him. Also he was a member of my alma mater, Syracuse University’s Orange football team through the 2011 season. Chandler was a first round, 21st draft pick by the patriots and some how has managed to make Syracuse football look good, a very hard task. So props to him, you make me proud and you’re a cutie, not that he cares at all what I think, just throwing it out there.
Back to the gorgeous, he’ll hit the G-spot every time Gronkowski. Note: the g-spot comment is not necessarily a fact, it just fit my G aliteration I had going, however, I wouldn’t put it past him. I feel as though the appearance of Rob Gronkowski is often overshadowed by that of Tom Brady, but he is finally starting to get a bigger fan base. I personally never thought Tom Brady was as attractive as everyone so claimed he was. In fact I don’t find him or Gisselle to be anything special. She’s not my favorite Victoria’s Secret Angel, I’m more of a Miranda Kerr and Brooklyn Dekker fan myself. Tom Brady is also boring. His performance on SNL was not at the quality of my boi Peyton and the only interesting thing he did was knock some woman up before he broke up with her, I mean every athlete does that get new material Mr. Brady. Gronk has a different beauty one of LARGE proportions, which I very much enjoy, in my mind anyway. His large factor comes into great use on the field (and in my fantasies), being a tight end. Besides having a perfectly sculpted end that is rather tight, his job on the field a combination of an offensive lineman and a wide receiver. Basically he blocks and catches the ball when thrown to him. If you like it rough he’s your man, he knows how to hold you down with some strength having practice with holding back some pretty hefty men as a tight end. But I’m sure he can be a ‘gentle lover’ if you need him to. Besides being a giant Pole from Buffalo (Pole meaning Polish not his ‘little gronk’ although I’m sure it is giant and he knows how to use it), he has this bad boy factor. He’s like the AJ McLean of the backstreet boys. He likes to party and he just doesn’t care what anyone thinks, and every female whether they want to admit it or not finds themselves attracted to him. He’s been photographed hanging out with a Porn Star, yanno just a typical weekend hangout sesh for the Gronk. Also he allegedly ‘hooked up’ with a 16 year old girl while in Aruba. But I mean if the guys from One Direction can date 30 year old women at the age of 16 why can’t he hook up with a 16 year old girl? Nothing wrong there, 16 is the legal age of consent in Aruba, and you know she liked it, I always do in my fantasies. Alright enough talking here’s some picture, get your vibrators ready!
All kinds of explosions going on over here
Getting his Magic Mike on