My lack of posts have been due to the depression brought upon by the Bills and their hideousness.  I can honestly say I fell asleep while watching them be crucified by the 49ers.  Partially this was because I was sick, but mostly because I had the choice of either slitting my wrists while watching them play or sleeping.  I thought sleeping would be more beneficial.  Last week against the Cardinals God sent us an angel in the form of Jairus Byrd allowing the win in overtime.  And this week we all watched a battle of terrible defense between the Titans and the Bills.  In typical Bills fashion the game was decided by their fourth quarter efforts in which Fitzpatrick who had been playing his best game yet, decided the fourth quarter was the best time to stop throwing on point.  Depression has ensued, luckily I have all the Backstreet Boys albums and a bottle of whiskey.  My relationship with the Bills sounds like a Taylor Swift song with all this heartbreak, except, my relationship with the Bills has been 21times longer than any relationship she’s been in.

As pissed off with the Bills as I have been I am choosing to introduce to you one of my personal favorite players, Stevie Johnson.  I’ll be honest, I’ve always liked Stevie, he was a fun guy to watch, and wasn’t afraid to poke fun at other players with a sense of confidence.  However, it wasn’t until recently that I actually looked at a picture of him and had a When Harry Met Sally moment.  Maybe it’s his whole bad boy effect, with his sexy toned body covered in tattoos, but mama like, mama like very much.  The twenty-six year old Stevie joined the Bills in 2008 as a seventh round pick Wide Receiver.  (If you don’t remember what the job of a wide receiver is read my saucy piece on Victor Cruz you’ll enjoy).  Since then Stevie has battled through some injuries and worked hard to maintain his status with the Bills.  In 2010 he was named the Vizio top value performer and has made himself known in the Bills (for a lack of a better term) unvictorious play.

To go along with that bad boy look Mr. Johnson has a trouble maker attitude, which of course attracts even the most holiest of women.  I mean even Mandy Moore could not resist that naughty naughty boy Shane West in the cinematic masterpiece A Walk to Remember.  (As a side note I would really appreciate it if Nicholas Sparks would just stop writing).  Any way Stevie has been fined by the NFL three times for excessive celebration.  Once, for his famous undershirt with “Why So Serious?” written on it, an attack on Chad Ochocinco and T.O.  who had referred to themselves as Batman and Robin of the Bengals.  The second for imitating Plaxico Burres and finally the third for lifting up his shirt and reveling “Happy New Year” written on his shirt.  With every fine the more attracted to him I get, and quite frankly the level of wit played into his fines really gets my engine reved, I mean anyone can score a touchdown and mock Victor Cruz’s salsa dancing, but when you throw in a Dark Knight quote into the mix you have my heart.  My fantasies of licking chocolate off his rock hard abs have been crushed upon hearing that he is happily married with three adorable children, my love for him still grows everyday.  It’s not unusual to find me staring at my phone drooling at a picture of him, yes I have one saved to my photo album, it helps me get through the rough days.  Ladies and Gentlemen I give thee Stevie Johnson, moan away.

All it took was one week against the Patriots to bring the Bills fans back down to earth.  What the world witnessed this passed Sunday was the typical performance of the Buffalo Bills, making a statement in the first half, then forgetting that there are in fact two other quarters to play after Halftime.  You’d think Fitzpatrick with his Harvard degree would be able to figure that out, or at least figure out the physics behind not throwing an interception, or getting sacked, but whatever he has an excellent beard and that’s all that matters.  Any way, the Bills took the lead at the half 21-7, I felt like Miley Cyrus on Salvia (or so claimed), this sort of defeat at the half could not be real, it would be like the cast of Jersey Shore winning an Emmy.  After 21 years of Bills fandom however, I have learned that while they are not consisting in winning games, they never fail to disappoint.  And disappoint they did, as Tom Brady and the Patriots (oooh the possibilites to start a band, I mean they’d be about as good as the Jonas Brothers, but at least they’d have a cooler name), avenged themselves, coming back with six touchdowns in the second half.  The rest of my day entailed me only leaving my bed to go to the bathroom and make dinner, while I watched sappy movies such as: When Harry Met Sally, Little Women and The Princess Bride, while wallowing in self pity that I’ll never get married or have a man reply, “As you wish” to every demand I make, such a life disappointment.  At least my fantasy team won, otherwise who knows how this week would have turned out.

There was one man, however, that fulfilled all my passions why watching the Patriots legitimately murder the Bills in the second half, and he goes by the name of Rob Gronkowski, or simply Gronk.  Before I give you the low-down on my dear Gronk, and oh so low I will go down on Gronk, I have to give Chandler Jones a shout out.  Chandler Jones was born in my place of birth, Rochester NY, so I automatically like him.  Also he was a member of my alma mater, Syracuse University’s Orange football team through the 2011 season.  Chandler was a first round, 21st draft pick by the patriots and some how has managed to make Syracuse football look good, a very hard task.  So props to him, you make me proud and you’re a cutie, not that he cares at all what I think, just throwing it out there.

Back to the gorgeous, he’ll hit the G-spot every time Gronkowski.  Note: the g-spot comment is not necessarily a fact, it just fit my G aliteration I had going, however, I wouldn’t put it past him.  I feel as though the appearance of Rob Gronkowski is often overshadowed by that of Tom Brady, but he is finally starting to get a bigger fan base.  I personally never thought Tom Brady was as attractive as everyone so claimed he was.  In fact I don’t find him or Gisselle to be anything special.   She’s not my favorite Victoria’s Secret Angel, I’m more of a Miranda Kerr and Brooklyn Dekker fan myself.  Tom Brady is also boring.  His performance on SNL was not at the quality of my boi Peyton and the only interesting thing he did was knock some woman up before he broke up with her, I mean every athlete does that get new material Mr. Brady.  Gronk has a different beauty one of LARGE proportions, which I very much enjoy, in my mind anyway.  His large factor comes into great use on the field (and in my fantasies), being a tight end.  Besides having a perfectly sculpted end that is rather tight, his job on the field a combination of an offensive lineman and a wide receiver.  Basically he blocks and catches the ball when thrown to him.  If you like it rough he’s your man, he knows how to hold you down with some strength having practice with holding back some pretty hefty men as a tight end.  But I’m sure he can be a ‘gentle lover’ if you need him to.  Besides being a giant Pole from Buffalo (Pole meaning Polish not his ‘little gronk’ although I’m sure it is giant and he knows how to use it), he has this bad boy factor.   He’s like the AJ McLean of the backstreet boys.  He likes to party and he just doesn’t care what anyone thinks, and every female whether they want to admit it or not finds themselves attracted to him.  He’s been photographed hanging out with a Porn Star, yanno just a typical weekend hangout sesh for the Gronk. Also he allegedly ‘hooked up’ with a 16 year old girl while in Aruba.  But I mean if the guys from One Direction can date 30 year old women at the age of 16 why can’t he hook up with a 16 year old girl? Nothing wrong there, 16 is the legal age of consent in Aruba, and you know she liked it, I always do in my fantasies.  Alright enough talking here’s some picture, get your vibrators ready!

All kinds of explosions going on over here

Gronk and his porn star ‘friend’

Getting his Magic Mike on

With the good comes the bad.  It was another week to celebrate as a bills fan in the closing of the third week of the season.  The battle of Lake Erie (or the battle of two equally bad teams) gave the home field advantage to Cleveland but in the end the BIlls walked off with the 24-14 victory.  However, in true Bills fashion, disappointment was still in the air as CJ Spiller was taken off the field with a shoulder injury in the first quarter.  This meant a devastating loss for my projected to win fantasy team, yes I admit it I’ve begun to take pride in the sports edition of world of warcraft.  This also brought on a sense of fear for the team heading into next week’s game against the disney vilains of football; the Patriots.  Now, I’m going to casually bring up how much I love Justin Tucker for barely making the game winning field goal over the Patriots.  Bill Belichick’s (the head coach of the Patriots) reaction at the end of the game somewhat resembled what I imagine Kris Jenner’s reaction would be if she found out Kim Kardashian was no longer creating her unnecessary income.  Now I am done gloating and continue on to the only important information about this blog, the men beneath the pads and helmets.

This week I am featuring a young man who has been in the paper s this week in lue of controversy over the outcome of his game winning hail mary pass (the worlds first game winning interception) against the Green Bay Packers.  A pass and catch that which brought attention to the public that the NFL Ref lockout needed to end.  However, we won’t get into those details, we are going to bring attention the important details that the papers failed to mention, Russell Wilson has the ability to make a woman want to scream yeah, and get her going like ooh baby baby, ooh baby baby (thank you Usher for your thought provoking lyrics).  Now perhaps I feel this way because I tend to favor Quarterbacks starting at the tender age of five, my first ‘boyfriend’ being the quarterback of the modified football team, a highly esteemed position.  Since then my love has been devoted to the men in quarterback position from Brady Quinn (when he was a breathtakingly handsome okay quarterback for my personal college favorite Notre Dame) to the precious Drew Brees and many other handsome NFL quarterbacks.  If you’re looking for a well groomed, chiseled, arms with guns a blazing man, well then ladies look no further than the quarterback position. For those unaware of the job of the quarterback I’ll make it plain and simple for you.  The quarterback is like the Justin Timberlake of N’Sync.  He carries the offense, he is the leader.  He is the one you hear yelling out plays before the snap of the football, and they play just about every offensive play there is, so ladies he has to be able to go all night.  The quarterback has to be smart in order to have a successful offense, he has to be able to think quick and in some cases make something out of nothing.  And ladies, it is the highest paid position in the NFL, so find a good one.

Russell Wilson at the tender age of 23 brings promise to being one of those attractive well paid quarterbacks.  Wilson is a talented and versatile athlete (hopefully leading to versatility in other factors of his life as well) being drafted by the Orioles upon graduating high school, but declined to go to NC State, only to later transfer to play football in a state that no one cares about Wisconsin.  While Russell is rather short to most quarterbacks being only 5’11” a bummer for a 5’8” girl like me he has many redeeming qualities, one being his face, it’s quite cute.  Another being his arms, good god it’s like Hercules up in that joint.  He is a determined young man and willing to prove people wrong, many said he wouldn’t make it as a quarterback (his height being a major factor) but to the start of the season he’s lead his team to more wins than the other rookie quarterbacks.  I like a man with determination, it’s sexy and leads to…..success.  He’s also like smart, and considerate, and a nice person if you care about those qualities in a man, but those characteristics won’t get you aroused during a football game.    One thing about him below the surface that should be recognized is his charitable work.  He is a National Ambassador for the Diabetes Association and visits the Seattle Children’s hospital on off days during the football season.  Like is this guy real?!? How “presh” is that ya’ll.  He’s too good to be true, he’s truly a guy you bring home to mom and dad.  The only downfall is the fact that he married his longtime girlfriend this past January.  However, I try to see the good in everything, and all I got to say is if he married this beautiful woman, than ladies we all have a chance!So dream on ladies, there’s a possible Russell Wilson in your future!  Please don’t moan too loud, when looking at these pictures (especially his arms) it’s awkward, trust me, I don’t think I’m allowed back in the library.

Sex Face                                                  

Today is possibly the only day of the football season that I can wear my Buffalo Bills shirt with pride after a win.  The bills murdering the chiefs in yesterdays Sept. 16th game, made the ever so difficult wardrobe decision that much easier today, allowing me the chance to sleep in this morning before my insanely early 2:15pm class for the day.  I slipped into my white buffalo bills shirt, my red skinny jeans and black converse and headed to campus greeting the fellow bills fans with high fives, each knowing this will probably be the only time this season we will ever be exchanging high fives of triumph.  As much as I would love to brag about the efforts of CJ Spiller the thriller, there is another man in which this blog gets devoted to today and he goes by the name of Victor Cruz.

The 25 year old is heading into his third season as a Wide Receiver for the New York Giants, and ladies he is quite a catch literally.  It’s hard to believe that he went un-drafted in the 2010 NFL draft but I can guarantee that the NY Giants pat themselves on the back whenever Cruz is on the field.  For those unaware of Cruz’s job on the field as a WR I will quickly surmise leaving out all the technical details.  Cruz’s place is on the offensive and his main job like many other players is to score.  He typically stands on the end of the line closest to the sidelines.  His position is key for passing plays and requires speed and agility.  He is to catch the ball, run, and outmaneuver the opposing men on the field in hopes of making it to the endzone (he could do all those things to me any day).  Basically ladies, he’s great to bring shopping during sales, able to outrun and side step all those bitches who want the last pair of size 8 pumps.  Yesterday, despite the Giants terrible and boring start, Victor Cruz helped lead the team to victory over the Buccaneers.  Cruz, my leading scorer of 36 for my fantasy team, had 237 receiving yards (catching the ball and running),  and also contributed a 80 yd touchdown, in which he dedicated to his grandmother whom recently passed away.  If this doesn’t make you fall in love with him than ladies I have another thing coming your way.

Cruz’s trademark on the field is his lovely latino hips.  Ladies those hips are the hips of god and he will dance his way into your heart in no time, no matter which team has your allegiance.  Perhaps it’s the idea that he would agree to take you out dancing whenever you wanted, unlike most men.  Or perhaps it’s knowing that those hips will dance their way into the bedroom as well.  He’s got a great fit body, with a huge smile and a great laugh to match.  He’s well spoken and did i mention he’s bilingual he can sweet talk you to the endzone in Spanish and English.  He’s also a relatively new father to his daughter Kennedy who is absolutely adorable and you can tell he adores her.  I don’t know about you but I think he qualifies for my hot dad list.  Alright well I better stop I’m all hot and bothered but I’ll leave you with some Victor Cruz presents that should lead you to victory if you know what i mean, enjoy.

As the sun begins to set earlier each day and the nights grow colder, women around the world are beginning to prepare themselves of new wardrobes, fall pallets, and busting out the knee high boots.  It’s quite an exciting time of year and our efforts often go unnoticed by the men in our lives.  There is only one reason for this and the answer is football.  For men, fall starts a little early, precisely when training camp starts, when teams are being chosen and statistics are run every day in order to draft the dream team of fantasy football, allowing them to have bragging rights among a very small group of people.  It’s a time when most women pretend to enjoy the sport and gain appreciation from the guy they’re trying to impress.  It’s not uncommon for women to erase all loyalty to a football team as the men in their lives change.  It is also the time when women, who no longer have to impress the men in their lives, wonder why they are with their significant other as they constantly check their standings in their fantasy league pretending they’re the Bill Belichick of football.  For those who don’t get that reference it’s like the Rachel Zoe of stylists, and if you don’t know who Rachel Zoe is perhaps you should skip this blog and just focus on buying that new fall wardrobe.  Now I know that this doesn’t apply to every woman, there are in fact women out there like myself who actually enjoy football and can tell you what a tight end does (besides have a tight end).  Now perhaps my love of football was destined seeing as I was the only girl of a former football player and coach father, and two brothers who both not only played but also contribute to the fantasy world.  I have seen more football games than I have played in both Volleyball and Lacrosse games grades 7-12.  I’ve witnessed the ups and downs of football, although mainly the downs seeing as I was born and raised a Buffalo Bills fan, but the hope and love of the game is always there.  My goal with this blog is to convince all you, fake, or half hearted, football fans out there that this is a sport that you can love and understand.  You can still paint your nails and explain a wild cat with enthusiasm.  This blog will inform you of the game of football, recap previous games, occasionally share my experiences with my fantasy league (quite an interesting world fantasy football is) and finally the selling point of this blog, discuss the most important thing about football…the attractive men, every teams got one so pick a man and theres you’re team!  I will leave you with a little preview: Alright I’ll let you go and change your panties now, but just remember it only gets better.